Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
