you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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