i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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