I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
