smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
