There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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