I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
