My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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