it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
