I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
