heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
