I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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