I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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