I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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