I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
