Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
