I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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