So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
