a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
