turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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