I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
