I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
