I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
