My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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