I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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