Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
