apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Buhtt sex?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
