Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
