dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
