That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
