Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
