she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That accounts for only three of the penises
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
