dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
