well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
