it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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