it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
