Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
