If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
