I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
