So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
