Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
