I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
