I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
