It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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