I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
