It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
