I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
