Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
