Pappa wants mamma naked
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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