i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
