she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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