shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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