theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
